Friday, January 28, 2005

A Penny For Your Disease?

Money is pretty nasty. And I don't mean in the anti-capitalist sense. I mean, literally. Nasty. Think of all those germy people touching all that money and just passing on their germs to other innocent victims like myself. Screw the cycle of life from Lion King. More like "Cycle of Disease." What prompted this rant? I was picking up some change before heading out and I noticed a couple pennies that looked like they just came from the nastiest whore house this side of Las Vegas. I mean, look at these two. So gross looking:

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Sharing The Music

One of the greatest or worst trait of New York City is the perceived unfriendliness of its residents. Indeed, after the 9/11 attacks, many human interest stories focused on how New Yorkers were opening up to one another. That stereotype is somewhat true. We walk around the crowded streets avoiding eye contact, shoving old ladies and tourists out of our way. We stand shoulder to shoulder during rush hour on the subway looking into the air at nothingness or at the same subway ad for Baruch College. A social silence that is occasionally punctuated by some guy, undoubtedly wearing a Wankees hat, trying to get into a full subway car yelling, "Make some FUCKIN' ROOM! MOVE IN." However, every once in awhile, a rare moment will occur that breaks down the wall and armor every New Yorker wears. That moment happened to me earlier today. I was in the subway coming back uptown to my apartment and was listening to my iPod. When I listen to music, I'm one of those "head boppers." I can't just listen to music without boppin' my head and tappin' my feet. I was rocking out (not with my cock out because it's too fucking cold outside fo' that) to some quality soul from James Brown. I was standing up in the car, holding onto the railing and bopping my head along to the music and when I looked over I noticed this guy who strongly resembled Fat Joe. He, too was nodding his head along to whatever he was listening to through his headphones. The exact moment at which I glanced over at him, he too glanced over at me. And we both realized that despite listening (most likely) to two different songs, we were nodding our head along at the same beat. And rather than looking away as so often is the case, we nodded at each other and bopped our head along to the music. The moment sounds kind of gay. But it wasn't. It was straight gangsta.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I Guess I Like Junk Food

Thanks to all for your kind birthday wishes. Tear. I feel so popular. And yet there are bastards out there on xanga who get 50 comments for writing, "I sneezed today. And I liked it." Anyway. I checked my mail today to find another package for me. So, my family has a friend in Germany who sends us all a huge Christmas package of gifts and food and all sortsa delicious European goodies. The package I received from her today was my Christmas gift. Usually, she sends me a CD and some chocolates. I think there was some mad sale in Germany or something because I opened up the box...and my reaction was something like, "holy shit." Here's the loot:

He's All Growns Up, He's All Growns Up

It's my birthday today, bitches. (My birthday party info at end of entry) As my friend Jenn likes to repeatedly remind me, I've now lived a quarter of a century. I have the same birthday (Jan. 26th) with the following celebs: Kirk Franklin   Wayne Gretzky  Anita Baker   Ellen DeGeneres  Eddie Van Halen   Lucinda Williams   Gene Siskel  Angela Davis  Scott Glenn  Bob Uecker  Jules Feiffer  Paul Newman   Anne Jeffreys  Douglas MacArthur Yay. But who the fuck are some of these people? Celebs, my ass. Anyhoo. Thanks to Kaizar - the Kumar to my Harold - for sending out a birthday party invite. His e-mail invite:
for all the moving he's done in his life (korea, alaska, providence, new york, st. louis, new york), matt's a seriously lazy dude. he doesn't 'leave' the UWS, rather he makes an annual 'migration' downstream, like some frickin' salmon (must be an alaskan thing). On saturday night (1/29), matt's making the trip again to lay his 25-year-old eggs at the traditional nesting ground, Botanica. Come out and watch the spectacle 10pm onward. it'll be a good time guaranteed. Botanica is at 47 Houston St. (between Mott & Mulberry St.)

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Tuesday Night Event FYI

Not sure if I am going to this tonight, but I'm sure some of ya'll fellow residents of New York City might be interested: DJ Jazzy Jeff and Peanut Butter Wolf When: Tue 1.25 (10pm) Where: Eleven (152 Orchard St, 212.979.2240) Price: FREE w/ RSVP Though millions remember him for his shoulder-and-snap handshake on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, not to mention getting tossed from the Banks' manse like a rag doll, DJ Jazzy Jeff is a far more accomplished turntablist than sitcom personality (check "Brand New Funk" from his Fresh Prince days; you can thank us later). On 2004's Hip Hop Forever II, his first mix CD, Jazzy deftly beatmatches Nas, Raekwon, Black Moon, Pete Rock, Cypress Hill, and the Pharcyde, cross-fading 20 years of moody hip-hop like a daydream. Peanut Butter Wolf — hip-hop's Alan Lomax — shares the booth with Jazzy tonight. (YS) Note: Admission is available only with RSVP, and early arrival is recommended.

My New IPod

I checked my mail today and I found a package slip. So I went to go pick it up. Hmmm...what can this be? Ahhh, shibbiddy shibbiddy shnap! Dat right. Yours truly is officially a member of the iPod army thanks to my dad. He sent me one for my birthday (January 26th). While waiting for it to charge and transfer all the songs (Tupac in the house!), I sat around enjoying the feeling of my new white headphones:

Monday, January 24, 2005

This Makes Me Laugh

(via Penis humor never gets old:

Post-Storm Recap

So right, the snowstorm was pretty sweet. You know what else is sweet? Tom Brady's handsome mug The Pats spanking of the Steelers. Anyway, Saturday night was a good time thanks to Molson, Fosters and Xbox. Patty came all the way over from Brooklyn despite the hail of snow coming down by late Saturday afternoon. He brought with him a twelve pack of Molson and two gigantasaurus cans of Fosters beer which we drank while we let the Molsons chill in the fridge. Then we played hours and hours of Xbox while getting wrecked. Pat is thrilled about his Molsons: But not as thrilled as I was with my Tits O' Fosters: And the Xbox provided all the entertainment we needed:

Saturday, January 22, 2005

A (Lazy) Man's Got To Eat

So I can be extremely lazy about leaving my apartment, particularly during...a blizzard. Further, as much I love food and er, eating food, I can also be extremely lazy about that as well. I have a bad habit of waiting until the very late late last minute before finally grabbing some food. OH, also I'd like to make clear (as some of you know), I don't cook. At all. I hate cooking. Consequently, the combination of my unwillingness to cook, laziness regarding leaving the apartment, having no cash for delivery food and this ridiculous blizzard pounding New York right now makes for a potential fatal result for Matteo. I have about 12 packages of Ramen...but no pot, bowl, silverware with which to cook and eat it with. I clearly needed more food and equally important, kitchenware. I mean, I'm only one man. How can I fight against this alone?: I've known about this snowstorm since yesterday. I even woke up this morning when there was nary a snowflake outside my window. Did I get dressed and go out and buy the necessary goods? No. Instead, I lounged around in the comforts of my bed and watched Ghostbusters Deuce on Comedy Central. At the end of the movie, a few inches of snow had already fallen outside with more on the way. So I finally got up, bundled up and left. 20 minutes later, I came back with the following bounty: Yea, I don't plan on doing much entertaining this semester, what with my one cup, one bowl, and one plate I purchased.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Romance and White Castle

See, White Castle is so much more than just two-bite sliders. It's also about romance:
Between 5 p.m. and 8 p.m., cravers will be greeted at the door by a host and taken to their own candle-lit table with decorations and table covers. They will receive table service complete with wait staff. Reservations are required. "We hear many stories from married cravers for whom White Castle is a special part of their lives together, be it because they met at a White Castle or because when they were young it was a fun place to go that they could afford and it has remained so for them. With this history of 'royal' love affairs, a special Valentine's Day dinner at White Castle is a natural fit," said Sandy Miller, area supervisor in Indianapolis. "This is the first year we have offered reserved seating for Valentine's Day dinners. It is our pleasure to offer this fun event for our loyal customers."

This Makes Me Laugh

Jenna Offends Norwegians and Deaf

I can't really hate on Jenna for what she did; I knew what she was signaling with that hand sign...but this shite is still hilarious. According to Yahoo News:
Many Norwegian television viewers were shocked to see U.S. President George W. Bush (news - web sites) and family apparently saluting Satan during the U.S. inauguration. But in reality, it was just a sign of respect for the University of Texas Longhorns, whose fans are known to shout out "Hook 'em, horns!" at athletic events. The president and family were photographed lifting their right hands with their index and pinky fingers raised up, much like a horn. But in much of the world those "horns" are a sign of the devil. In the Nordics, the hand gesture is popular among death metal and black metal groups and fans. "Shock greeting from Bush daughter," a headline in the Norwegian Internet newspaper Nettavisen said late Wednesday above a photograph of Bush's daughter, Jenna, smiling and showing the sign.
And NY Daily News writes:
But deaf people who use American Sign Language easily identified the sign for "bulls-!" One of the eight official signers for the inauguration - who interpreted the President's address on the West Front of the Capitol - yesterday confirmed to me the bovine expletive. Staffers at the New York School for the Deaf and the New York Society for the Deaf snickered. The First Lady's press secretary, Gordon Johndroe, reacted with a surprised giggle. "Jenna was using the 'Hook 'em horns' sign and there were a lot of Texans in the room," said Johndroe, himself a U.T. grad. "Texans have been known to BS every once in a while."
Fuck'n A. Four more years of this BS'r.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Fucking Tiger Woods

And then boys and girls, when he's done hitting nuts off the roof of a 10 star hotel, he goes downstairs to his wife: Mrs. Tiger Woods

Who Knew Matt Was Short For Sameer?

The former occupant of my apartment was a guy named "Sameer." My new apartment came with a landline and phone. Because I don't have T-Mobile service in my room, I've been using the landline. I've received two voice mail messages on there from this businesswoman who's been trying to get in touch with the former occupant, Sameer: "Matt ...this is Diane at Du Pont calling back about your inquiry about our digital tech printer. This is the second time I've called I believe...and...I don't know, maybe "Matt" is a nickname for Sameer. Please call me back." Hence forth, I demand ya'll call me Sameer.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Poo On America

This makes me laugh.
German police have their hands full - pranksters in Berlin have been sticking miniature American flags into piles of dog poop in public parks. ... Police say they are completely baffled by these events, which have been going on for a year. "We have sent out extra patrols to try to catch whoever is doing this in the act," said police spokesperson Reiner Kuechler. "But frankly, we don't know what we would do if we caught them red-handed." Josef Oettl, parks administrator for Bayreuth, said: "This has been going on for about a year now, and there must be 2 000 to 3 000 piles of excrement that have been claimed during that time."
Heh. American flags on poo. I think that's a metaphor for something.

Marcus Shanken China

This is one of the more disturbing and ... well, dithguthting things I've read lately. The visual imagery alone is enough to make me up chuck my pepperoni mushroom pizza:
MUSCLE-BOUND lady wrestler Chyna Doll is making a meal out of supermodel Marcus "The Swedish Meatball" Schenkenberg. The B-list duo, who met while filming VH1's "The Surreal Life," were seen locking lips at Scores West in the wee hours of Saturday morning. "They were kissing and caressing each other," shudders our spy. Even more unsettling was when hulking Chyna jumped onstage and performed a nude striptease. "She asked to go onstage and the manager said, 'No thank you,' " relates our spy. "But eventually he let her, in the spirit of good fun. She was topless, but after she went bottomless, they told her she had to stop." Schenkenberg, who has romanced several of the topless temple's lovely dancers, left with his new squeeze shortly after 4 a.m. "It's like 'Beauty and the Beast,' " sniffed one of Schenkenberg's stripper conquests, who was aghast at the hookup. Earlier that night, Chyna got buck-naked and jumped into the fish tank at Coral Room as Schenkenberg filmed her with a video phone. Let's hope the male supermodel doesn't upset his bulging-biceped belle — Chyna was arrested recently for beating up her ex-boyfriend, Sean Waltman.
It's like the battle of the pecs. Nevermind. THIS is the most disturbing and disgusting thing I've seen lately. Don't say I didn't warn you. Whatever you do, DON'T CLICK ON THIS!!!!!!henkenberg filmed her with a video phone. Let's hope the male supermodel doesn't upset his bulging-biceped belle — Chyna was arrested recently for beating up her ex-boyfriend, Sean Waltman.It's like the battle of the pecs.

Weather Rant

This is for all my NYC peeps. WHAT THE FUCK? My nuts have either frozen completely or fallen off because either way, I don't have any fucking feeling down there. Why is it so fucking cold right now?

Weather Rant

This is for all my NYC peeps. WHAT THE FUCK? My nuts have either frozen completely or fallen off because either way, I don't have any fucking feeling down there. Why is it so fucking cold right now?


I'm back safe and sound in my apartment in New York City. Had a wonderful vacation. Trying to figure out my classes for tomorrow. Looks like I'll be doing lots of course shoppin'. It's good to be back except...god damn, it's fucking cold here. What the fuck?

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Meet the Geriatrics

Last night, Jess and I had a late dinner at a restaurant here in Saint Louis. I mean, it really was a late dinner (by Saint Louis standards). We got there at like 9:30 and started eating by 10ish... Yet, I was really fascinated by this large group of seriously old people eating and carrying on behind us. I mean...wasn't it way past their bedtime?

I'm an Apple Homeboy

Self explanatory. You can get it here. IN RELATED NEWS I'm so excited about my new mini-iPOD that awaits me back in my new apartment in NYC. Woohoo. Thanks Dad! A fantastic birthday gift!

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Net Bugs

Certain internet ads don't "bug" me much, such as those Google sidebar ads, but some really annoy the piss out of me, especially the ones that promise a free iPOD, laptop, flat screen tv, big titty lapdances if you can shoot the duck or smack the ho'. But, I particularly hate and despise this one: I hate bugs. I hate seeing these fucking bugs crawl all up in my computer screen.

Early Bird

Due to a wee bit of champagne and beer, I ended up going to bed at 11:30 PM last night and woke up at 6:15 AM this morning feeling amazingly refreshed. I am such an old man. Since I'm still on vacation, I guess I'm now going to fire up the Xbox for some Halo 2 on-line. I am such a dork. IN OTHER NEWS My former roommate and xanga regular, Kaizar, sent me the most disturbing picture of himself yet: I don't even know where to start. For one, he e-mailed me this picture to show me how big his hair is getting. Some old lady neighbor from his apartment building (and my old residence) stopped him in the hallway to tell him he looked like John Lennon. I told him if he doesn't get that shit cut soon, people are going to report him to Homeland Securities. Anyhoo. He's single, ladies. And apparently, he likes the Knicks as well.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Officially Sanctioned Harvard Fun

Haven't these kids heard of making a run to the liquor store?
Following complaints that it does little to promote campus social life, the Ivy League school has hired its first "fun czar" -- Zac Corker, a recent Harvard graduate whose job is to build community spirit and help stressed-out students unwind. Corker knows a few things about kicking back. As an undergraduate, he helped organize numerous social events and put together a Web site -- -- aimed at protecting students' "right to party."
Read more here. Anyway, I think it's pretty cool that Hahvahd is doing this for their students... Although, I'm curious about the Harvard students' parents reaction to this news. My parents always assumed I spent 4 hours partying for every hour I studied. Whatever. Brown rules. Harvard stinks.

Lame Actually

I was pretty exhausted last night, but before falling asleep, I decided to make one last round through the movie channels. I ended up somehow watching Love Actually from beginning to end and finally going to bed at 3 AM. I am such a girl. This movie reminds me of a moment I had with my "boys" during college. We were all walking back up the massive hill to the campus from a movie downtown at the Providence Place Mall and for some reason, the film, Notting Hill came up in the conversation. I don't remember who said it first, but someone in the group said, "Oh, I liked that movie." We all turned and looked at him. And then, I believe it was a tall lanky kid from Alabama who we called CK1 said, "Um yea, I kinda liked that movie as well." An awkward pause ensued. Then, one by one, we each added the fact we liked Notting Hill. "My name is Matthew Rodriguez. And I have a problem. I like Notting Hill." "Is that all?" "No, Love Actually as well."

Best to Seven Basketball

Now this is a basketball game that I could have played in with my weak-ass court skills:
Hard to imagine a 3-pointer in the second quarter of a high school boy's basketball game would turn out to be the winning basket -- unless it's one of only three made in the entire game. That basket, along with an earlier field goal, was all Bellows Free Academy-Fairfax needed to beat Milton on Wednesday night. The final score: 5-2.
Read more here .

Fantastic Four

If you haven't guessed by now, underneath my boyish good looks and devastating sartorial fashion sense, I'm still the same mega dork. Uber-dork right here. And a requirement for any dork or nerd is the special place in their heart reserved for comic books. Consequently, even though I haven't read a comic book in days years, I'm still kind of excited about this: (via The Superficial) Preview for The Fantastic Four (Quicktime) Although why can't Hollywood take a little bit of creative license as they always do here and change Jessica Alba's character from the "Invisible Woman" into the "Naked Woman?"

Thursday, January 13, 2005

A Royal Ass

Imagine you are a prince. Not just any prince, such as prince of Latuxemberg, population 600. No, the prince of England. One of the most eligible bachelors according to some. The paparazzi follow you wherever you go. Indeed, the eyes of the world, or at least the global media are on you. Okay, and now there's this costume party that you have been invited to. What to wear?! Well, if you are Prince Harry, you wear a fucking Nazi costume: Idddiot.


Finally got all my grades. Straight A's beeyatches! Nearly 70 pages written in two weeks, including full research on all four papers. Rock out with my cock out.

Not Super Sized, But Additionalized

So I saw the documentary Super Size Me. I'm sure most of youse saw it as well. If I remember correctly, near the end of his McFatty journey, he mentions that following the film's buzz, McDonald's announced that they would no longer offer super size meals. That's cool, I thought. It's a small step, but a step forward nevertheless in addressing the fat problem in this country. I mean, do we really need 20 pound of fries with our grade D beef burgers? And then today, during my internet peregrinations, I ran across this ad from our favorite Big Yellow M: Sigh. So , no more super sizes...BUT now along with your double quarter pounder, fries, and soda...have an additional six pieces of fried pseudo chicken. What the fuck.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Eyes Closed Shut

Damn, this sounds painful and nasty:
Best not to keep glue in the refrigerator -- accidents can happen. Take the case of Aussie Terry Horder. When the 78-year-old great-grandmother's eyes began to water, she opened her fridge and reached for her allergy eye drops. Instead, Horder accidentally grabbed her Loctite 401 instant glue, kept in the fridge to avoid heat damage, and squirted the adhesive into her eyes. After a trip to her local hospital's emergency ward, however, the sticky situation was resolved. Nurses used vegetable oil to try and remove the glue, which had fused Horder's lashes together and seeped under the lids. "They soaked my eyes for around five minutes and then tried to pry the lashes apart, which wasn't pleasant," she said. "But about 10 minutes later I was good as new."

Tuesday, January 11, 2005


I will be buying this. Gawd, I'm such an Apple whore.

Many Faces of Matteo

I just wasted the greatest 15 minutes of my life at this website, thanks to which I present to you the Many Faces of Matteo. Baby Matt Child Matt Teenage Matt Young Matt Old Matt...Yikes! Matt on his birthday in a couple weeks: Drunk Matt Matt the Ape: And then some artsy Matt's...: El Greco Matt Manga Matt Modigliani Matt And the scariest one of them all: white Matt...Gawd damn, I'm ugly

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